Good Friday: What's All the Fuss About?

Today is Good Friday, a day that I’m sure hundreds of others are writing about. This is the day that we remember the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made by dying upon the cross, and ultimately taking our punishment so that we can be saved, freed, redeemed.

There are many things I could write about regarding this day, but if I could only tell you one detail, this is what I would want you to know: He died for you.

Yes….YOU. If you are reading this, He died for you. It really does not matter if you have chosen to believe or not to, if you have chosen to accept His sacrifice or not, He still died for you.

For you, the one who thinks this God thing is a bunch of bunk, He died for you.

For you, the one who walked away from the “religious” scene long ago, never to return, He died for you

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For you, the one who feels distant from God today, He died for you.

For the one who is the first to say “God Bless America” or believe that Heaven is where you’ll be spending eternity, but this whole personal relationship/Jesus Christ thing isn't really you, He died for you.

For the one who feels like they have sinned too many times, or messed up too badly, He died for you.

And, to you, the one who thinks the Bible, the story of this day is nothing but a dreamt up fairy tale, He died for you too.

Today, whoever you are, it doesn’t matter, HE DIED FOR YOU.

He gave His life in place of yours. All you have to do is accept that and know that it’s enough. You don’t have to be the best, or follow all the rules, or know the Bible frontward and backward. He meets you right where you’re at. He gave His life for you. He loves you. And, ultimately, He died for you!

Romans 3:22-24 “This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. And are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Holding My Tongue: The Three Words That Slipped Out

I’m almost embarrassed to tell you this story. Really, I don’t want to. But, God continues to bring it back to my mind as an important lesson so I suppose I will share it with you.

It had been a long day, dealing with needy babies, cooking and cleaning, and working on getting the house and yard ready for summer time. I was tired. I hadn't had the time to spend with my Lord that day, which always affects my heart and therefore my attitude negatively. So, I have about a million excuses for my actions, but none of them make it OK.

As I was working alongside my husband outside, I started a discussion. It was on a topic that I knew was a hot button for us. We have had the same argument MANY times. We both are aware that we 100% disagree on this topic. And, yet, I still for some strange reason feel that maybe if I bring the topic up enough times, or discuss it with enough passion or conviction I will change his mind. Anyways, as the discussion ensued it began, AS ALWAYS, to get heated. As I spoke with what I thought was sound reasoning, my husband continued to laugh me off and disagree.

So, there I was, annoyed, frustrated, tired, upset…. And that’s when it happened… Just like that I felt the words coming up like verbal vomit that I could not stop… “I hate you” with an added “right now” at the end to take a little bit of the permanent sting off. Yikes. As soon as I said it I felt remorse. I felt conviction. I knew I was in the wrong. But, as we learn in elementary school, just like squirting out the tube of toothpaste, those words could not be taken back.

I spent some time alone and asked the Lord to work on my heart. And, as always, He did. I apologized to my husband for saying those words and made a great argument for why they were absolutely not true but just seemed to slip out in the heat of the moment. He forgave me, like he always does. And, just like that we moved on with life.

A day or two went by and I thought my lesson regarding this mistake was over, but God was not done teaching me. Riley (my 2 year old daughter) and I had been playing, but it was time to pick up the living room and get ready for nap time. This really isn't a favorite part of the day for Riley and she insisted that instead of picking up we should have a tea party. A tea party sounded pretty good to me but I knew I needed to stick to my guns and have her help me pick up. And there it was again…. “Mom, I hate you”….She said it. My 2 year old just said that she hates me. Where could she have possibly heard that?!? O yeah, I remember....She heard it from me.

Ug, my heart dropped in my chest. I knew at that moment that I also had to apologize to my child for using that 3 word phrase. So, I did. And, I also shared with her why it was not OK.

I learned a REALLY important lesson that day. Someone is listening to what I say, even if I don’t realize it. What I say, what I do- it matters. It has an effect on others. As a mom, there are always little ears listening, but in general, even if you aren't a mom, know that your words have an impact on people.

Today, be aware of what you are saying. Speak life. Speak hope. Speak joy to others. If you find yourself in my shoes, allow God to work on your heart. Don’t be too prideful to say that you’re sorry. And then, give thanks for a God who never stops forgiving!

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Daniel 9:9 “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.”

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Motherhood: When It Feels Like Surely There Is More For Me

Again, I am going to be REALLY honest with you. There have been times in my life, even recently, that I thought surely this isn’t it? Surely the Lord has more for me to do- bigger things, world changing things?!? Things that will really make a difference?! Surely, there is more for me…

I know God has gifted me with individual passions, talents, and abilities that are specific to me, just as He has you. And, as I dream about the future, I dream BIG dreams. I dream about all that the Lord has in store for me. And, I get excited, but then I think to myself that most of the BIG things will just have to wait. You see, in this stage of my life I am too busy doing the things that seem little, building a home, giving life to babies, raising up children, teaching them, and bathing them, and feeding them, and loving them….

As the Lord has been working on my heart over the last months I have continually prayed “Lord lead me, lead me to do things that are BIG, things that clearly I have not done on my own, things that cause me to need you in such a way that I couldn’t possibly do them without you.” And, I have also continually asked Him to show me what those things might be….

And then, one day as I sat still before Him singing the lyrics to a popular song, “Spirit, lead me where my faith is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…” It hit me. Like a ton of bricks. It’s been right in front of my nose all along.

You see, the “little” things that I am doing right now, in this stage of life and motherhood, well, they are NOT so little. The task of motherhood that the Lord has placed before me each and every day, IT IS a BIG thing. It is the thing that requires me to be on my knees daily crying out to the Lord for help. It IS the thing that He has called me to do, gifted me to do. It is the task that I could not possibly complete on my own each day without the help of my Heavenly Father. It is really the BIGGEST thing I could ever possibly do! I am raising little people. PEOPLE. I have the opportunity to be an instrument in molding their lives, in teaching them, in showing them Christ’s love. I want to change people’s lives… well, HELLO, I have little people right here in my home who I have the opportunity to be a life changer to every single day! They are people who will grow up. Who I am to them now and what I teach them now will affect the rest of their lives!

Today, I remember that what I am doing has purpose. It is definitely NOT little. It is real. It has eternal value. It is important. And, it is REALLY REALLY BIG.

Yes, I continue to dream about other things that the Lord may be calling me to do, now or in the future as my children grow. And, I think that is important too! But, at the end of the day, I know I am already living out His BIG purpose each day, as I call upon Him to help me be the mom I am supposed to be.

Psalm 127:3 “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him.”

Proverbs 6:20-23: "My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother; bind them continually on your heart; tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk to you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; and reproofs for discipline are the way of life."

Putting Up the Guardrails: 3 Tips to Start Setting Boundaries in Your Marriage

Jonathan and I on our wedding day.

Although I am very passionate about the topic of marriage, I have strongly hesitated to write anything about it, mostly because I don’t feel qualified. I (and I’m sure my husband) will tell you on any given day I fail MANY times in the wife category. I’m working on it.

I realize that in the scheme of life, I’m really just a newlywed. I’m aware that compared to many married couples we have faced very little as a couple. We still have lots of life left to face, lots of ups and downs, lots of trials and joys to experience together. So, for a while now I have chosen to refrain from writing. However, as I sit and watch marriage and families fall apart all around me, I am compelled to write.

Please know that if you are divorced, if you for some reason have had a marriage that did not work, this is not intended to condemn you. BUT if you are married, this is for you.

It is really easy to slowly slip into habits or behaviors that eventually destroy our marital relationships. These things do not generally happen overnight, but it’s a slow fade from one thing to the next. This is why it is SO important to set up boundaries and safeguard your marriage. No, these things will not make your marriage a “walk in the park” and yes, some of them will sound extreme, BUT these tips will be great guardrails for you to protect your marriage from harmful habits.

 #1 Create Social Media Boundaries

As a married woman, there are very rare occasions in which I should ever find myself having a conversation via text or facebook message with someone of the opposite sex. Extreme, right?! I believe that anything that is private and easily hidden can be one of those areas that slowly fade into something it was not intended to be. Yes, there will be exceptions to this rule on RARE occasions, but for the most part this is just off limits.

#2 Create “alone” Boundaries

As a married person, there are also boundaries that should be set up regarding who you allow yourself to be alone with. Again, this may sound extreme but my rule is that there is never really any reason why I need to be alone with someone of the opposite sex- not to go out to lunch, not a car ride together, not even a hang out session with an old friend. If I have male friends that I would like to hang out with, my husband should be included. It’s no longer “him” and “I”, it’s “we” and this should be carried into our relationships with others.

#3 Create Verbal Boundaries

This is one I learned from my parents and I find it to be SO necessary. There are certain words in your marriage that should absolutely be off limits. For example the word “divorce”… we don’t say it. NEVER. We never say this word. Why? Because I have seen many friends start out using the word “divorce” or “separation” as a meaningless threat, but it eventually turns into the real deal. Using these words creates a lack of trust and you can seemingly destroy your marriage just by throwing these words around.

These are just a few boundaries that I have found extremely helpful in my marriage, but in different relationships there may be many different “safeguards” that should be set in place. Consider what boundaries need to be set up in your marriage and take the initiative to start the conversation with your spouse! You never know, it could just save your marriage!

Motherhood: Taking Off the Mask

I have been guilty of wearing it on many occasions. It’s so easy to keep it on when out and about, when answering those “how’s everything going” questions. You know….the mask.

As a young mom I quickly learned about this mask that tends to be worn during motherhood. Although, I have to admit I don’t fully understand it. Somewhere in the midst of trying to stay positive and not putting our dirty laundry out for the world to see we as moms lose something. 

We accidently take our good intentions too far and we lose the honesty, the rawness of motherhood. We stop being REAL.

Can I just say that as a new young mom, there are times I desperately needed someone to be real with me. When I saw you, fellow mom in the grocery store, I needed you to put aside the “everything’s great, motherhood is so beautiful” line and say the REAL thing, the “motherhood IS great, but I’m SO beyond exhausted and I would give ANYTHING for 5 minutes to myself” truth. When I saw you veteran mom at church, I needed you to put away the “I have it all together” show and let some of the “I’m just as disorganized and imperfect as you” realness shine through. When I came to that play date at your house, friend, I needed you to forget about the perfectly clean house, perfectly healthy meals, perfectly well behaved children act and I needed to see a little more of the scattered undone laundry, and “yes, my kids had McDonalds for lunch too”  honesty.

I understand that as moms we are all striving to be organized, and healthy, and somewhat put together. I understand and appreciate the fact that we are all working to be the best mom, wife, employee, friend we can possibly be. BUT, sometimes, I NEEDED to see the flaws, the fall downs, the imperfection (and I have to believe I am not the only one who has ever needed to see this). Not so that I could think less of you, or think more highly of myself as a mom, but because I needed to know that I was not alone…That I am still not alone.

So moms, this is a cry out to you. And really, people in general this is a cry out to you, a cry to put the mask up on the shelf; a cry for you to PLEASE at the risk of someone thinking less of you, BE REAL… Be positive. Be an encouragement. BUT, also be honest. It’s ok for other’s to see the imperfections, in fact, I’ve found they actually like you MORE when they see, that just like them, you have struggles too. You never know who just desperately needs to see that they are not alone, that you, just like them have struggles, have shortcomings, and do not have it all together.  

…AND no, I do not have a Scripture basis that says “Moms, thou shalt be real” J. BUT, I do believe Scripture calls us to do life together and to be bearers of each other’s burdens, which is impossible without being real…

Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Life: When it Storms

We have now entered that time of year, thunderstorms and rain will be a regular part of life for the next couple months here in the Midwest. I personally am not a fan of the dark dreary days that generally accompany this rainy season. The rain and storminess itself feels like a downer to me as I anxiously anticipate my favorite time of year, summer.

As I thought about this I thought about the fact that in a lot of cases rain is referred to as not such a good thing. Phrases like “when it rains it pours” are usually used in reference to bad situations happening one right after the other. Sometimes we talk about a “stormy season” in life. Overall the metaphor of “rain” or a “storm” is often negative.

However, even as one who is not a fan of the rainy days I have watched in amazement as right before my eyes the brown grass has quickly turned green, the trees that appeared dead are surely starting to bud. I have even watched spring flowers pop up and bloom in a matter of days as we have steadily received the rain.

This is a lot like what happens in life. Sometimes the “rainy seasons” of our lives our filled with heart ache, betrayal, trials, and discouragement. I personally have experienced what felt like storms in my life after the loss of a loved one, or at times when I was betrayed by friends. I have felt like the rain was pouring when met with financial strains, when struggling emotionally, and when physically ill.

But, one thing was true after all of these different storms in my life. I came out of the other side with growth. The Lord worked during those times to spring up new life inside of me, to make me stronger. Much like the grass and trees, that as the storm rages they begin to grow again and at the end of the stormy time they come out healthier, more beautiful, and they continue to grow.

Today I thank God for the different storms I have faced because I know that He used those times to continue growing me into the woman of God He desires for me to be. It doesn't mean the storms in life will be easy, it just means after the storm has passed we can look back and thank God for how he shaped and grew us during that time.

Romans 5:3-4 “…But we also glory in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

The Worst in Me

Recently my family and I were out for Sunday lunch. As it came time to order the pizza, nobody had made a decision on how much we needed, or what kind we wanted. So, my sister Rebecca and I started to try and figure it out and we soon found ourselves in a little argument, a heated discussion; let’s just say our voices were raised higher than they ever should be in an eating establishment and I think our waitress was a little scared.

Those of you who know my sister and I know that a little head butting is not necessarily an uncommon occurrence. We are both strong willed. We both have different view points on a number of things. And, worst of all, we both think that we are right, even about a silly pizza order.

As the discussion ended I quickly turned to my husband, shifting the blame from myself to my sister and maybe looking for a little bit of understanding from him, I said, “I don’t know what it is about my siblings, but they ALWAYS bring out the worst in me.” He quickly and calmly looked at me and responded, “It’s not your siblings that are the problem, the problem is that the worst is in you.” …. “The worst is in you”….

Ouch….That really wasn’t what I wanted to hear. But, the more I thought about it the more true it seemed.

Often times in our society we choose to put the blame for our life, for our decisions, for our sin onto someone else. Quite honestly, it’s just easier that way. If I don’t have to take responsibility for my hateful attitude and unnecessary remarks I can move on quickly without any remorse.

But the truth is it IS my responsibility. The sin in my life is no one’s fault but my own. And, friend, I know you don’t really want to hear it, but the sin in your life is also no one’s fault but your own.

The sad truth is that “the worst” is in each of us. But, that’s not the entire story. The beautiful part of this story is that though “the worst” is in each of us, and though God sees our heart and therefore sees “the worst” in us, He still loves us. He still forgives us. Thank God for His unwavering mercy and love that never fails us, even when “the worst” comes out.

Romans 3:23-24 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”